Have you ever wanted something to happen?
But logic dictates that it will never happen. Or maybe you're just trying to convince yourself so that
you don't suffer heartbreak.
Maybe you start to dream of what could happen; what might happen if what you wanted came through. Then you remember that it is not going to happen, and that you shouldn't lead yourself on like that.
And though you know it won't happen, you still want it to. So you look for signs, maybe, that it's on it's way. Maybe you even see some. And your hearts leaps, though your brain furiously reminds you that oh-so-fallible humans tend to see what they want to see.
But you've been trying to look at the situation logically, a small part of you responds. Perhaps it will happen.
Then you see signs that it won't happen. Your heart plummets, at the same time it tries to convince you that the signs that it might happen are much more important and trustworthy than that it won't.
Your brain tells you in no uncertain terms that you are being patently ridiculous.
And you know you are. Besides, to lead yourself on would be ridiculous, pointless, and lead to suffering.
But your heart whispers that it would be a bad idea to shut yourself off; after all, it might happen. It would be foolish to deny yourself the pleasure just because you were firmly convinced it wouldn't happen.
Your brain sighs. It concedes the point, but does so with many reminders that it won't happen, giving allowance that there is an extremely off chance that it might happen; stranger things have.
Then your brain stops that train of thought and screeches to remind you that it won't happen, and orders your heart to guard itself.
You are the most ridiculous human being on the planet, you realize. A small clock in the corner of your brain starts marking the days until it won't matter anymore. A small voice in your heart reminds the clock that even after the deadline there may still be a chance.
You've had enough of this. Your brain and heart are both idiots, you decide, and you try to go on about your life, ignoring their constant bickering.
It proves almost impossible to ignore.
Almost as impossible as not hoping.